05 juin 2004
281 tricks to irritate an atheist
HOW TO IRRITATE AN ATHEIST
Some foolproof methods to irritate your favorite atheist. Just be careful how you use them, or you may start wondering why the atheist is strangling you.
1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.
2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.
3) Ask them to pray with you.
4) Invite their children to go to church with you.
5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.
6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.
7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."
8) Make up statistics.
9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."
10) Accuse them of persecuting you.
11) Bring up arguments that make no sense whatsoever; criticze their response with "You're just not making sense."
12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.
13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.
14) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never follow up on them.
15) Say that seperation of church and state isn't in the Constitution; insist that the Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments.
16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of information.
17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."
18) Tell them they know in their hearts that God exists.
19) Point out that we all take things on faith.
20) Before starting an argument, say "You're an atheist? That means you're going to hell!"
21) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."
22) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth."
23) Use bad math to back up your claims.
24) Drink the last beer in the fridge.
25) ...and buy natural light to replace it.
26) Witness for Jesus, and completely ignore anything your competition says.
27) Call him a meanie.
28) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you will still have your faith.
29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.
30) Argue that the Bible stories are not myths . . . they're parables. And they're all true!
31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory with the disclaimer that you're not a physicist like he is.
32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.
33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."
34) Use Latin a lot.
35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible; ignore questions as to who was saved prior to 1611.
36) Tell him that Moses wrote the Books of Moses.
37) Explain that the lack of proof doesn't mean it didn't happen.
38) ...and give him a blank look when he says that all people tried for a crime would go to jail.
39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on evolution.
40) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
41) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
42) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
44) Accuse him of being an agnostic, since he isn't 100% positive that God does not exist.
45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.
46) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways.
47) ...and we're too small to comprehend his reasoning.
48) ...and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should be."
49) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so much proves God's existence.
50) Tell him you know God exists because Mount Everest exists.
51) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and crew, but one little girl survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that this miracle proves the existence of God.
52) Insist that Noah's Ark and the Shroud of Turin are real.
53) ...and tell him about the special on FOX where you saw it.
54) When he shows you a verse about genocide, ask him how he dares to question the morality of God.
55) Punch him in the face. Hard.
56) When asked to prove a statement you made, say that you already proved it.
57) Tell him that we all fall short of God's grace.
58) Insist that faith is the only logical answer.
59) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that it's out of context.
60) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in correct context, tell him you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.
61) Tell him you must study the Bible for many years to reject Christianity.
62) ...and when he points out that you reject Islam despite never having studied the Qu'ran, say that you have faith, and faith is all you need.
63) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't see the air.
64) Sigh, shake your head, and say "I just know that someday you'll need Jesus."
65) Talk about how you used to be a miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal until you found God.
66) Change your handle every couple weeks.
67) Knock on his door at 9:00 in the morning and offer him a pamphlet.
68) Tell him that God loves him, even if he doesn't love himself.
69) Admonish him to have sex for reproductive purposes only.
70) Tell him about Christ's plan for salvation for the billionth time.
71) Refuse to debate.
72) Name a bunch of smart Christian people.
73) ...and when he names a bunch of smart atheist people, call him stupid.
74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to mistranslation.
75) ...and then pull up a mistranslation from Isaiah to prove that Jesus fulfilled prophecy.
76) Burn him at the stake.
77) When shown that the Bible says that Pi=3, say that the Hebrews didn't know anything about science, so it's not their fault.
78) When shown the creation account in Genesis, insist that the Hebrews had all kinds of scientific savvy, being inspired by God.
79) Lead him on until the very last moment, then tell him no . . . not until you're married.
80) Insist that a person who makes Christianity look bad was not a True Christian.
81) Claim intellectual superiority on the grounds that only smart people read the Bible.
82) Smile smugly and tell him that there are no atheists in foxholes.
83) Quote Psalm 14:1 to him.
84) ...and then tell him that you think highly of him, and want to be his friend.
85) Give him the special gift of his very own "paraphrased" modern Bible.
86) Speak to him with a fake Austrailian accent.
87) Cite my Formatted Theology page as a collection of successful proofs for God's existence.
88) Threaten to kill yourself if he doesn't believe.
89) Equivocate scientific faith with religious faith, and conclude that, metaphysically, you are both in the same boat.
90) Claim that archaeology is proof of the Bible's truth.
91) Misconstrue logical terms in order to prove that logic does not work.
92) Claim that logic is the atheist's god.
93) Claim that atheism is not only a belief -- it's a knowledge claim.
94) Support your ludicrous contentions with "Most scholars agree that..."
95) Use only circular reasoning.
96) Claim that the atheist only uses circular reasoning.
97) Claim that circular reasoning is legitimate due to circular reasoning being legitimate.
98) Use the phrase "Hate the sin, love the sinner" as a blanket response to the notion that Christianity is at fault for something.
99) State that Christianity has done a lot of good along with all the mass murder.
100) When asked to explain a theological concept, compare it to something simple, like "water," and then misunderstand that you have incorrectly labeled the constructs of your analogy, then dismiss the whole thing with, "You've just got to have faith."
101) Upon hearing that he is an atheist, jump back reflexively, as if you don't want to catch whatever it is he's got.
102) ...then look at him as if he were a diseased leper who just spit in your eye.
103) End all your posts with John 3:16.
104) ...or "God Bless."
105) When he takes the time and trouble to explain where your analogy or interpretation is at fault, begin your response with a sigh, so he'll know how patient you're being.
106) Open a minor-league baseball game with the national anthem, followed by a gospel quartet singing a hymn, and solemn prayer. (True story!)
107) Open and close a martial arts class with obligatory prayer, including the spectators. (Another true story!)
108) Claim that God chooses who is going to heaven and humans have nothing to do with his decision, but he's going to hell because he sinned.
109) State that whatever he says is not worthy of consideration, because the Bible says atheists can't discern what's true anyway.
110) Offer inane apologetics books in the hopes that he hasn't heard the arguments in them a thousand times already.
111) Patiently explain that the 42 children that were torn to bits by two bears sent by God were not really children, but spawn of Satan.
112) When asked if they would sacrifice their own child for God, respond with "God would never ask me to do that."
113) Carefully explain that Lot's daughters were never in danger of gang rape, and that Lot knew this all along.
114) Most carefully of all, explain that while all of the Bible is inerrant, Revelation does not literally mean what it says.
115) Tell him that God answers all prayers -- sometimes the answer is no.
116) Tell him that Christians aren't perfect -- just forgiven.
117) Tell him that he can't love anyone -- that's why he can't love God.
118) Offer to drive, then insist on listening to Christian Talk Radio.
119) ...and laugh when you hear "This condom-nation will face condemnation."
120) Claim that Einstein was a Christian.
121) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.
122) Tell him that he'll come around just like your daughter did . . . when she got confirmed just so that she could get married in a big church.
123) Vehemently claim that the theory of evolution is incompatible with theism, then turn around and blame the theory for promoting atheism.
124) Say that evolution is not proven -- therefore the Bible is correct.
125) Tell him it's his responsibility to prove that God doesn't exist.
126) Invite him to a church social function, and show up late.
127) ...because you were with his wife.
128) Deny that his child looks like him.
129) Ask what he believes in, if not God.
130) ...then tell him that nonbelief is also a worldview, therefore there is no such thing as an atheist and Christianity is true.
131) Explain that Buddha's last words were "Jesus, forgive me."
132) ...and tell him that you were "saved" when you heard that story.
133) ...and when he explains that Buddha died 500 years before Jesus was born, give him a blank look.
134) Say that God can't reveal himself with any real proof, because that would remove the need for faith.
135) When something awful happens, tell him not to blame God -- he doesn't interfere.
136) When something wonderful happens, tell him to credit God -- he made it happen.
137) Tell him not to ask what happens to those who have never heard of Jesus . . . HE has, and what is HE going to do about it?
138) Explain that it doesn't matter whether or not he thinks he's sinned -- all humans were imbued with original sin at the moment of their birth.
139) ...then tell him that babies automatically go to heaven.
140) ...and mentally retarded people.
141) ...and those with Down's Syndrome.
142) Treat nothing he says as credible, because he is possessed by Satan.
143) Show that the Bible must be true because when you take the original Hebrew letters, spread them out and twist them around, you can spell words.
144) ...and when he points out that that will work with literally any work in any alphabet, accuse him of closed-mindedness and blasphemy.
145) Spell it "athiest."
146) Spell it "evilution."
147) Tell him that the Bible is true because the Bible says it is.
148) Tell him that Hitler was an atheist.
149) ...and all atheists are therefore Nazis.
150) Tell him that he's playing right into Satan's hands, because Satan's greatest ploy is convincing people that God doesn't exist.
151) Use the word "atheist" as a verb.
152) After your argument has been effectively refuted, wait a few days and then repeapt the argument, adding, "You still haven't addressed this."
153) Make up your own language, and claim that his inability to understand is due to his atheism.
154) Claim that Jesus is the God based on the Old Testament, then turn around and say that the Old Testament has nothing to do with the New Covenant.
155) Use the word "presupposition" incorrectly, repeatedly.
156) Argue the most insignificant point you can think of; when he doesn't address your pettiness, claim victory.
157) Constantly attempt to equate atheism with theism.
158) Argue that the translation "errors" in the KJV were actually God-inspired improvements, and therefore the KJV is the most accurate of all trnslations.
159) Say that God believes in him, whether or not he believes in God.
160) Call the Branch Davidians a "cult," but insist that your particular faction is a "religion."
161) ...and argue that a practical distinction actually exists.
162) State with a straight face, "Yes, I believe that an invisible fairy god king magically blinked us all into existence in order to punish us for our salvation and that we must all humble ourselves and eat his flesh and drink his blood," and then claim your belief is perfectly rational and supperior to the atheist "mind-set," which can provide no answers.
163) Tell him that he can't use absolute logic because God is the only absolute.
164) Tell him the signs are there -- he's just not looking.
165) Tell him he wouldn't believe even if someone rises from the dead.
166) Play Matthew McConnaghey: "Do you love this person? Prove it."
167) Tell him that the third hour was Jewish time; the sixth hour was Roman time.
168) Try to perform an exorcism on him.
169) Claim to be speaking in tongues when actually you're just babbling incoherently.
170) Say that the Bible (as opposed to other holy books) is true because it's an eyewitness occount.
171) When he points out an apparent inconsistency of God's attributes, just say that God is infinite. The atheist, with his finite, human brain cannot begin to understand God.
172) For Muslims only: Say that it's perfectly reasonable for anyone to convert to your religion, but no one has a valid reason to leave Islam; it is the perfect religion.
173) Tell him that everyone has faith in SOMETHING.
174) Say that whatever you turn to in your hour of need is God.
175) Make him clean out your car.
176) Include cosmology and abiogenesis when discussing evolution.
177) Tell him he won't understand unless he believes, and he can't believe unless he understands.
178) Ask how he can have any morals if he doesn't believe in God.
179) Say that you know in your heart that belief in God is perfectly logical and rational.
180) Say that going to church is fun.
181) ...and when he says it's boring, act surprised.
182) Leave little Jesus cards on the tables at restaurants.
183) Talk about all the great things Dubya is going to do for our nation.
184) Insist that homosexuality is a choice.
185) Insist that Thomas Jefferson was a Christian.
186) Tell his that it's not a religion -- it's a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
187) Sing.
188) When asked what's wrong with evolution, tell them that it doesn't account for the origin of matter.
189) Tell him he only doesn't believe in God because his family hates him.
190) Advertise for heaven and hell.
191) Send a child over to witness to him.
192) ...when he tells the child he's not interested, send over two adults to say the same things.
193) ...when he refuses again, give a Chick tract to a 3 year old to give to him.
194) Send a chat room message that he is a black-hearted sinner.
195) ...then turn your IM off so that he can't respond.
196) Tell them that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.
197) ...and when he tells you about the Lady Hope myth, cry.
198) Create a website challenging evolution.
199) ...and when he actually does, close it down.
200) Create a term for a blatant paradox in your religion, then call other religions false because they don't have it.
201) Get into a chatroom argument with him, then start SCREAMING the lyrics to "Amazing Grace" while your friends write "Amen, brother" and other such nonsense as the atheist tries to make his point.
202) After losing an argument horribly, say that you will pray for his eternal soul.
203) ...then begin praying loudly without his permission.
204) Yell and scream about how he is going to hell during a debate.
205) ...and when he gets tired of your yelling and screaming, back out of the debate.
206) When losing a debate, take advantage of his good nature by punching out somebody near you until he stops talking.
207) ...when you see someone else do this, stop him by saying that his religion is a peaceful one.
208) Put gigantic crosses on everything he owns that you can get your hands on.
209) Counter every argument that begins with "God is defined as..." with "So you believe in God?"
210) Cry foul when he tries to create a club that is not religious.
211) Fail to have a basic grasp of history. (Spanish Inquisition? What's that?)
212) Have your pastor hunt him down and force him into a debate over dinner.
213) When all else fails, never talk to him, and convince a lot of other people to never talk to him either.
214) Treat his Christian wife like shit.
215) Complain to him about your own church, but don't leave it.
216) Send the DEA an anonymous tip that he has bundles of cocaine in his garage.
217) Put a large cross in his yard.
218) ...then set it on fire with your hooded brethren.
219) PUT ALL ARGUMENTS IN CAPITAL LETTERS TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE YELLING AND SCREAMING!
220) Start your own university dedicated to religious narrow-mindedness and restriction of free choice.
221) ...and name it "Liberty."
222) Perpetually ask saps for money on your television show.
223) Avoid taxes and regulations because you're doing God's work.
224) Ask why he only focuses on the bad parts of the Bible.
225) Accuse him of closed-mindedness for not accepting your extraordinary claims.
226) Tell him he has to believe before he can understand the evidence.
227) Tell him he is innumerate.
228) Tell him he is illiterate.
229) Tell him he is pissed.
230) Tell him he won't agree with you because the Holy Spirit has closed his eyes to the truth.
231) ...then continue preaching to him.
232) Insist that you've already refuted everything he said.
233) Ask God to bless his dark heart.
234) Threaten to sue his university for infringement of free speech after he heckles you.
235) Tell him that long hair is the Devil's work.
236) Tell him that all your music is the Devil's work.
236) Tell him that the fossils in the earth are the Devil's work.
237) Create hoaxes to prove cerationism (i.e. a human footprint alongside a dino's footprint).
238) Claim that God can cure HIV if one prays hard enough.
239) ...then say that it is God's choice who he will cure, and anyway having HIV is better than an eternity in Hell.
240) Turn up your amps so that everyone within three blocks has to listen to him rant about Jesus.
241) Double park on Sunday. Claim the principle of righteousness.
242) Ask who he turns to when he's in danger.
243) ...when he says himself, say "No -- when you're REALLY in danger."
244) Grossly misunderstand the word "theory."
245) Declare that everyone knows in his heart that God exists, but just want to worship themselves.
246) Declare that without God there are no ultimate answers to anything.
247) ...then declare that WITH God there is an ultimate answer to everything -- and that answer is God.
248) Declare that without God you finally die alone.
249) Declare that atheism gives you nothing to hope for except the false promises of this world.
250) Use transitive verbs intransitively (e.g. "Jesus raised from the dead").
251) ...when corrected on the above (e.g. Jesus ROSE or WAS RAISED from the dead), shout "Then you really do believe!"
252) Announce that God was watching over a loved one who survived a terrible tragedy.
253) ...and when the loved one later dies from his wounds, announce that it was God's will.
254) Get him to admit that he KNOWS God exists, but Satan has seduced him.
255) Invite every single person in your church to give Chick tracts to everyone they know.
256) Ask if he's ever heard of Jesus Christ.
257) Show up on his front porch at 9:00 on Saturday morning, and take advantage of his groginess by shoving copies of Watchtower into his hands and getting him to read the Bible with you, then walk away before he has any idea what's going on.
258) When he finally gets tired of you and launches several "Do Not Feed The Troll" campaigns against you, change your handle.
259) When confronted with a sound logical argument, respond with "Yes, but I don't believe that."
260) Have the Gideon Bible waiting in the hotel room that he pays for.
261) Regale him with questions such as "Who do you think wakes you up in the morning? Isn't that a miracle?" while you, the bus driver, should be watching the road.
262) Scrape your fingernails on a blackboard.
263) If you're an ISP, repeatedly cut him off during a net session, so that he must spend 90% of his time dialing.
264) Program your church bells to play very loudly at really odd hours.
265) Every time the subject of his being an atheist comes up, burst out laughing.
266) Ask how he can possibly raise children in a godless environment.
267) Accuse him of having more than one personality.
268) Talk to him with the assumption that he shares your beliefs -- i.e. start a sentence with "You know how God wants us to..."
269) When the subject of homosexuality comes up, say "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
270) ...and expect it to be taken as an intelligent remark.
271) Insist that the Bible is completely true.
272) ...and when he conclusively proves otherwise, acknowledge that the Bible is trash, but remain a Christian.
273) ...then take him to church.
274) ...and tell him he really must come more often.
275) Reply to every statement he makes, "That's only your opinion."
276) Post something inflammatory about him, wait for him to respond, then go back and either delete or edit your post so that it appears that the ateist is attacking you for no reason.
277) Become completely and totally paranoid about him.
278) After bringing up a number of topics, explain your lack of response by referring to some organized sport that you participate in.
279) Point to something in nature that's really cool, and call it proof of God's existence.
280) When he shows up at your wedding, bearing an expensive gift for you, return the favor by sicing your minister on him after the ceremony.
281) If he has cancer, tell him with a sickeningly sweet smile that you will pray for his recovery, because someone needs to.
282) Refuse to give him your wallet after he quotes Matthew 5:42 to you.
283) Insist you believe in the literal truth of the entire Bible, except for Matthew 5:42.
284) Take advantage of a horrible national tragedy, caused in large part by religious fanaticism, by pushing your own religious fanaticism as the only thing that will save us all.
285) ...and announce that the tragedy only happened beacuse of those who ignore your religious fanatacism.
286) When ask why you bother praying to ask for things if God has a Divine Plan, tell him that you're not really asking for things, but you're trying to get closer to him. (It's a lie, of course, but don't let that stop you.)
287) Insist that a denomination of Protestantism founded in the ninteenth century is the only true way.
288) Insist on deathbed conversions.
281) When ending your conversation with the atheist, promise to read whatever book the atheist may have mentioned, knowing darned well that you yourself never made it through Leviticus.
Commentaires
A.D. (Anno Domani)
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
Um, A.D. means Anno Domani, which is translated as, "In the Year of Our Lord."
-BTW
Everything in the Inspired Word of God is literal, but isn't understood by the carnal mind (Romans 8:) the God is supernatural, not natural, so you can't understand God naturally, you have to be born again, which is when Christ lives in you (Gal. 2:20) and ALL things are made manifested to you at that moment. You get SPIRITUAL revelation from Christ, by reading the Word. There isn't a lack of revelation, there's a lack of discipline to read God's Word.
Very interesting and funny lol ^_^ I like it XP
Heh.
A.D. (Anno Domani)
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
Um, A.D. means Anno Domani, which is translated as, "In the Year of Our Lord."
-BTW
Everything in the Inspired Word of God is literal, but isn't understood by the carnal mind (Romans 8:) the God is supernatural, not natural, so you can't understand God naturally, you have to be born again, which is when Christ lives in you (Gal. 2:20) and ALL things are made manifested to you at that moment. You get SPIRITUAL revelation from Christ, by reading the Word. There isn't a lack of revelation, there's a lack of discipline to read God's Word.
Oooooh! Touchy touchy! Somebody has their bible all in a twist.
I found this post to be brilliant and funny. I have heard these arguments over and over (keep in mind I'm not an atheist), and find that the problem does not necessarily lie with Christianity (hahaha, yeah, wait, I do, but that's another story), but rather the fact that people so rarely use logic skills. It is possible to be a reasonable individual capable of explaining ones beliefs without using those said beliefs to back it up, for example, using scriptures from the bible to prove that the bible is true.
You should love atheists!
Why would you want to irritate an atheist when you should love atheists just like anybody else?
P.S: are you really that bored?
amused Christian
As a Christian, I find this kind of satire (I am blithely assuming it's satire!) amusing and instructive. Thank you for clearly pointing out the wrong way to convince an atheist of God's existence.
HE?
282) Assume that any atheist must have a penis.
List doesn't add up
Maybe I'm mistaken, but I see several more entries listed after the 281st that end with a final one labeled 281, though the one before it is labeled 288.
Very nice
Nice job. We had a discussion on my blog last week regarding religion, it was a very layman discussion, but a lot of these came up.
OOH-OOH
I really have no comment I just thought maybe people would want to visit my website
Irritated
It would seem, by your post, that any arguement will irritate an atheist.
Maybe they are so irritable because they are people of reason, who have no reason to live???
EVERY THING IS WITH GOD I RISE HE SAY AND THROUGH THE BODY OF THE LORD I HAVE MY HEALING AND I AM THE DOER OF HIS WORD TODAY I LIVE BY HIS SPIRIT
MAY GOD BLESS YOU AMEN
Splendid and comprehensive
Surprisingly I have seen many of these examples right before me during my life as a freethinker :D
another, if I may
Insist that homosexuality is unnatural because non-human animals don't do it. When the evil, God-hating athiest gives examples of non-human animals that do, say, "There's no reason for us to take moral lessons from a bunch of wild animals."
Web Designer
Hi there, i like your article about atheist. Let us shout that really exist. As a web designer am not ashamed to put a banner invitation in our church. God bless you!.
i have printed and shared this with many, who made copies, and spread it again ... an me Christian
Wow
I didn't came here since a long time. That's a lot of comments for my very modest mostly french-speaking blog. So thanks to all of you, and here are just a few responses:
- I didn't made this up, I found this list somewhere on the web, I liked it, so I copy-pasted it on my blog for easy access.
- There are indeed many ways to irritate an atheist. You christians, just try to imagine living in a world where just about everybody tells you that spiderman does really exist. Or imagine being a chess grandmaster and being, on a daily basis, taught that that game is really boring and that you should rather join a telephone-directory reading club which is soo much fun.
- yes d.e., I've heard myself that incredible reasoning about animals. If they don't do it, it's not natural. If they do it, it's unworthy of humans. Religion hurts the brain.
- ANTHONY YOU ARE CRAZY BESIDES AS A PSYCHOLOGIST I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY ONLY RELIGIOUS LUNATICS FIND IT NECESSARY TO WRITE IN CAPITALS WITH NO PUNCTUATION
We get most of these a lot!
That was just like reading posts by the fundy trolls that invade atheist forums! One I might add, is: "Use the worst possible spelling and grammar for every post, so the atheist will have to laboriously translate all of your inanities."
Y R U BITTER AGAINST GOD?!
IF THEIR IS NO GOD, U MIGHT AS WELL JST GO OUT AND KILLL PEOPLE!!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. :)
Seriously, though, the pi = 3 is one of the stupider canards out there. Let's see now. A couple books purporting to be historical chronicles, not books on math, mention in passing the measurements of a round thing using round numbers using an imprecise unit.* Now what possible reason do you have for expecting these measurements to yield an approximation for pi better than a single digit?
*A cubit is the distance from the tip of the finger to the elbow, about 15 to 18 inches.
Y R U BITTER AGAINST GOD?!
IF THEIR IS NO GOD, U MIGHT AS WELL JST GO OUT AND KILLL PEOPLE!!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. :)
Seriously, though, the pi = 3 is one of the stupider canards out there. Let's see now. A couple books purporting to be historical chronicles, not books on math, mention in passing the measurements of a round thing using round numbers using an imprecise unit.* Now what possible reason do you have for expecting these measurements to yield an approximation for pi better than a single digit?
*A cubit is the distance from the tip of the finger to the elbow, about 15 to 18 inches.
You may have missed the point
Re: Shelly a dit:
A.D. (Anno Domani)
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
"Um, A.D. means Anno Domani, which is translated as, "In the Year of Our Lord."
Shelley may have missed the satire of this line. It is funny because many fundamentalists assert that A.D. does indeed stand for "after death." Atheists become irritatied at this misunderstanding because it indicates that believers don't understand their own assertions.
Re: Avril a dit: Irritated
"It would seem, by your post, that any arguement will irritate an atheist."
The point of the list is in large part a demonstration that none of these statements are in fact "arguments." They are, instead, statements of great ignorance and arrogance. And, yes, ignorance coupled with arrogance can be irritating to atheists and theists alike.
Now what possible reason do you have for expecting these measurements to yield an approximation for pi better than a single digit?
Well, i f God exists I would suspect God could come up with an approximation to at least three places.
Of course, God could be bad at math.
"Anno DOMANI"?!?!?
How's about "Anno Domini" or "in the year of the Lord" (or "our Lord," if you're a traditionalist)?
Tch, tch, Latin 101...
Unless you're talking about the inhabitants of Arad Doman in Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series, in which case you're still incorrect.
Anno Domani?
Doesn't that mean something like "the year tomorrow" in Italian?
All together now:
"Let's do the Time Warp again!"
They missed one
Witness to him how you were a "filthy, stinking, hell-deserving sinner" (an actual quote from a radio preacher) until you got down on your knees and asked Jesus to come into your heart.
interesting...
The public education system is embarrasing.
it's ANNO DOMINI... and it's not Italian...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anno_Domini
Now, please, shut the fuck up.
Re AD:
I don't use AD. I use CE (Common Era) and BCE (Before Common Era).
This is the generally preferred terminology.
Why you should love god
Love god or he'll torture you for eternity.
Love god because he makes you stronger by torturing you in this lifetime, while holding a threat of more torture over your head after you're dead.
Love a merciful god who admits (in writing) that he has committed mass murder on a whim.
Love god because he created a religion full of contradictions, that seems to be designed to appeal to lunatics and sadists, and allows them to be as cruel as they like... emulating their cruel god.
But gays.
Your example about gays and animals would work, were it not for the case that there is a lot of evidence that there are gay humans ;-)
Jesus never lived
BTW: I recommend watching the movie: "The god who wasn't there" I got it through NetFlix.
Some interesting points... No one wrote about Jesus until he had been dead for 30-40 years. He raised the dead, and walked on water, but somehow nobody cared until a generation after his death? When the apostles started telling their Jesus stories, almost everyone old enough to remember Jesus had died off. They fabricated a legend, and people bought into it.
There are documents from this era that placed Jesus' lifetime nearly a century before the currently accepted date. While some people were saying "I knew him", others were saying "My great great grandparents may have known him".
Saint Paul was one of the main characters of the early christian church. He lived during Christ's lifetime, and he associated with people who are documented as having known Jesus personally. Despite this, Paul never wrote a word that indicated he was aware that Jesus had actually come to earth in human form. How can this be, if he knew so many first-hand witnesses?
In reality, the very early church did not claim that Jesus was a flesh and blood person. But there were lots of gods and myths back then, so they had to make it seem real to the masses, and LATER adopted the story that he actually walked the earth.
Watch the movie for more good info.
An interesting sidenote... while Jesus may never have lived, Saint Nicholas was a real live person! So put away your nativities, and put Santa on display. HE represents the real Christmas.
Jesus never lived
BTW: I recommend watching the movie: "The god who wasn't there" I got it through NetFlix.
Some interesting points... No one wrote about Jesus until he had been dead for 30-40 years. He raised the dead, and walked on water, but somehow nobody cared until a generation after his death? When the apostles started telling their Jesus stories, almost everyone old enough to remember Jesus had died off. They fabricated a legend, and people bought into it.
There are documents from this era that placed Jesus' lifetime nearly a century before the currently accepted date. While some people were saying "I knew him", others were saying "My great great grandparents may have known him".
Saint Paul was one of the main characters of the early christian church. He lived during Christ's lifetime, and he associated with people who are documented as having known Jesus personally. Despite this, Paul never wrote a word that indicated he was aware that Jesus had actually come to earth in human form. How can this be, if he knew so many first-hand witnesses?
In reality, the very early church did not claim that Jesus was a flesh and blood person. But there were lots of gods and myths back then, so they had to make it seem real to the masses, and LATER adopted the story that he actually walked the earth.
Watch the movie for more good info.
An interesting sidenote... while Jesus may never have lived, Saint Nicholas was a real live person! So put away your nativities, and put Santa on display. HE represents the real Christmas.
mildly amused
I really enjoyed this.
I always like reading religious people's comments on athiest/agnostic forums, very humorous.
I am agnostic, but can't stand organized religion. I firmly believe in evolution and although there are many differents hypothesises on how the universe formed, whether it be string theory, foam theory, or overlapping dementions, i believe that it happened and we are here, there is no denying that. The idea that a god did it is rather bad because he made a pretty big mistake and/or isn't doing a good job. but who knows, maybe the poeple at the church of god the incompotent have it right.
I do get many of these arguments and yes they do irritate. When religious people try to have a debate and get suprised when we get irritated, its because religious people are so ignorant and use such bad arguments with such passion, it kind of makes us mad. they are soooo sure that they are right that its annoying. Atheists and agnostics are open to other insight as long as it has logic and the other person can use reasonable points we can take it.
But when nutcases take the bible and other books literally, I cant help but laugh and point out some of the major flaws as politely as possible, but when they flat out deny the stuff or use dumb arguments like "thats just because he wants to test us" or "its satan who makes you doubt" by this point i get frustrated because they are just so sure. so next time you fundies come up to someone and they are atheist or agnostic walk away, you will only get yelled at and make yourself look like a fool to everyone around, it will save you some embarrassment.
Hey Skeptical
I read a really good quote recently. I may not be quoting word for word here...
"The problem with the world today is that fools and fanatics are so certain of themselves while wiser people have so many doubts."
I think this applies.
Oddly, I quoted this to my insane fundamentalist supervisor at work, and she said "isn't that the truth!" Arrgghh! The fools and fanatics don't even know when they've been zinged!
Jeff
Hey Skeptical
I read a really good quote recently. I may not be quoting word for word here...
"The problem with the world today is that fools and fanatics are so certain of themselves while wiser people have so many doubts."
I think this applies.
Oddly, I quoted this to my insane fundamentalist supervisor at work, and she said "isn't that the truth!" Arrgghh! The fools and fanatics don't even know when they've been zinged!
Jeff
A Sad List for Sad People
Believers asked many such questions of Richard Dawkins recently. Here are his replies:
http://news.independent.co.uk/people/profiles/article2037496.ece
"Now what possible reason do you have for expecting these measurements to yield an approximation for pi better than a single digit?
"Well, if God exists I would suspect God could come up with an approximation to at least three places."
But it would not follow that such an approximation would be in a book where it is hardly needed.
False Christians
I am ashamed when I tell people I am a Christian, that I am "de facto" associated with Christians of the sort who would write this nonsense. Is this how you love your enemies? You antagonize them for no other purpose that your own vanity. Woe be unto you on the day of reckoning.
thank you
Yes, thank you Cerebulon, you just provided the best example ever of someone missing the point. Or did I? Just so I can be sure: do you actually think I am a christian?
I would like to discuss.
It is sad that people want to irritate athiests, but it would be great if beleivers would ask questions to atheist. Beleivers generally avoid discussion with those who don't beleive, but I would be happy to give my answers to the above questions. I didn't like the one about punching in the face though. That is not a way to communicate to each other.
Atheist Point of View
I am an Atheist, I found none of these things to be annoying or digging at my convictions, which would appear to be the intent of the piece. However, I did find that anyone who would say any of these things to a person, Atheist or not, would just be viewed as an obnoxious jerk.
that's a "point of view"?
Retoru:
Well, what does an "obnoxious jerk" do if not annoy you or try to dig at your convictions? The intent of the piece, which again was not written by me, is to list every bit of nonsense that atheists have to endure in discussions with believers. If you're an atheist, you've heard many of them, and they're so stupid that you SHOULD be rightly irritated.
Well...
I'm glad I don't live in america, so I don't have to deal with this kind of inane drivel.
As an atheist, when I am pestered by a Christian, I invite them to come back and talk to me once they've personally fed as many people as Christ is said to have fed. Of course, I am pointing out how un-christian many of these people are... the person always gets it and always shuts up. Of course, I have one obnoxious friend who then asked to borrow my credit card for the effort.
I am not writing to tell you of any new command, brothers of mine. It is the old command which you had at the beginning; it is the old message which you have heard before. And yet as I write it to you again I know that it is true--in your life as it was in his. For the darkness is beginning to lift and the true light is already shinning. Anyone who claims to be "in the light" and hates his brother is, in fact, still in complete darkness. The man who loves his brother lives in the light, and has no reason to stumble. But the man who hates his brother is shut off from the light and gropes his way in the dark without knowing where he is going. For the darkness has made him blind.
Come on Dummy, cut the crap, if you have something to say, say it. And then they say that atheists are arrogant...
Doubt isd something believers can't stand with
because they are not that sure about their own faith...
first of all: A.D. means "Anno Domini" - the translation is right and should be known when someone is chrístian or had latin at school (so i had)"Year of the Lord" - prechristian invention ^^
honestly i read taht stuff but i don't really like it.... because it's kind of pointless.....
i'm pagan, i have more than one god, celtic to be precise.... i was baptised, my education is christian but i found out that christianity is not my way..... i can not live that.... what god does committ suicide on a cross ? in my eyes no god would fall that deep..... (please don't feel attaced by these words....)
and honestly: i know that kind of christians who really react like that list of possibilities..... but mostly they just act like that and offend others... who didn't want to discuss or anything else..... faith is something very personal.. very "intime" ( don't know the english word)... that shouldn't be forced to/on others.... this would be real faith: be able to live it for one self without need to force others....who wants to say "i believe in god" should do one thing first: respect the belief /faith of others, no matter of agnostic, atheist, pagan, muslim, jewish, ... true faith should nopt be set above others
rediculous!
soo, this is about the dumbest thing ive ever seen. "tell him that because he is athiest, that he might as well just go out and kill people".
i find lots of the things on this list very offensive, and i suppose thats what you intended for, but unless i am mistaken, as a good christian, isnt it part of your beliefs that you love everyone no matter what religious beliefs they may have? also, just because athiests dont believe in a god, doesnt meen that we dont respect your beliefs, its your right to believe what u want, and most athiests would recognize that. just because we dont believe in god or "God" also doesnt meen that we dont have similar morals. I would never go out killing someone. i would also be happy to let u take my kids to church, it may not be my thing, but maybe they may find faith in a religion instead of in themselves or other people as many athiests do.
145) Spell it "athiest."
Another idiot missing the point, and this time it's (apparently) an atheist. The major point to which I disagree with Dawkins in The God Delusion is when he implies that atheists are smarter than believers. The last comment by "athiest" just demonstrates how stupid some of us can actually be.
Sharp and funny!
Love the list! I particularly love the comments from the outraged on both sides. My goodness, what a group of geniuses you've assembled here!
It's called SATIRE, folks! If you don't get the joke, you ARE the joke.
Whoever wrote this: we need more writers like you! Come visit us at subversiveminds.com
I've been irritated plenty of times by at least half the things on the list. I'm sure it's possible to add more without repeating oneself...but I can't think of any.
Heh Heh Heh
Despite it not being 0 atheists to however many fundies, I must say it is telling that so many more fundies got it all wrong. That said, team atheist, we have work to do with some of our young ones.
these, if said, would indeed annoy an atheist but by using them, you'd only look like an ignorant cunt
Good Satire
I like the list; good satire.
Also, the reason Christians fear logic so much is because with sound logic you can actually unravel the whole idea of a Christian god (something I've worked out myself and will publish soon on my live journal because I am a giant nerd).
Finally, the one sure way to annoy a Christian is to turn his/her kid into an atheist, which I have done on several occasions with extended family members. Its fantastic fun! (And they can't yell at you for indoctrinating their children because you can just turn around and accuse them of doing the same thing.)
Yippee, I love being a godless heathen.
Lolz!
Heh heh! Good stuff, and I can agree with much of it. Seasoned Christian apologists get almost as annoyed when noobs go out and try those tactics to bludgeon people into accepting Christ. I'll recommend this list as a How-NOT-To-Protelyse FAQ.
My reciprocal lol:
http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/tears-in-heaven-atheist-despair-version/
i am an atheist, and these amuse me, because they are the types of things said by people who care too much about others' opinions and beliefs, to irritate people who also care too much about others' opinions and beliefs.
?
albert einstein posed question: Is man Gods mistake,....or is God mans mistake.
good stuff
I think I must have seen variations of at least 90 percent of those arguments in my time dealing with religious fundamentalist loonies on the Internet.
most of them don't really annoy me anymore, I've heard them so many times I just give them the standard refutation and move on.
1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.
Atheists do not believe in God so they cannot be bitter towards something that doesn’t exist.
2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.
Why? Are you saying that the ONLY reason you are not killing anyone is because there is a God? It’s not because you think killing is wrong?
3) Ask them to pray with you.
We will politely decline, walk away, and then snicker behind your back
4) Invite their children to go to church with you.
That is called child abuse and you can go to jail
5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.
We will then say that insistence does not imply a proof. Then we will show you exactly where in the Koran it says Allah is the Supreme Being. What’s your point?
6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.
Atheists will just look at you with a blank stare because WTF is a “chick tract”?
7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."
Atheists will agree that the universe doesn’t “just exist”, because it evolved over billions of years.
8) Make up statistics.
Like God exists?
9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."
So all Atheists are smarter than believers? Atheists already knew that, but are you prepared to admit this? Won’t the church come after you and rape you or kill you?
10) Accuse them of persecuting you.
That’s called LYING, which even atheists know is a sin in your bizarre world.
11) Bring up arguments that make no sense whatsoever; criticze their response with "You're just not making sense".
You mean like the nonsensical argument that God exists?
12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.
Atheists will take that bet, because we know we’ll win.
13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.
Faithers do not believe in science, therefore they cannot use any LAW of science.
14) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never follow up on them.
You guys are already doing that. Like this list…
15) Say that seperation of church and state isn't in the Constitution; insist that the Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments.
Atheists read books other than the bible, so atheists can teach you about not only the Constitution, but also the Ten Commandments (see response #10 above). In fact chances are that your literate pastor is atheist.
16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of information.
This is why believers cannot publish academic papers.
17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."
This is why believers cannot find a cure for anything, they think everyone’s a doctor.
18) Tell them they know in their hearts that God exists.
Atheists do not think with any organ other than our brains. Actually that is not quite accurate. Many of us think with our penises. PENISES. You know, what the Catholic Bishops like to suck on during Sunday school.
19) Point out that we all take things on faith.
I say to you that God does not exist. Thus you will take this on faith just like everything else.
20) Before starting an argument, say "You're an atheist? That means you're going to hell!"
Atheists will point out that not every single conversation has to end up in an argument. That’s the believer’s job. Also, atheists know hell doesn’t exist. Finally, the second law of thermodynamics you alluded to above actually disproves a hell can exist.
21) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."
Any atheist who is reading this point will laugh hysterically. They know what I am talking about, and I can guess that we will both agree that you don’t know why we’re laughing.
22) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth."
Thou shalt not judge, lest he be judged. I mean really, do atheists have to teach you everything about religion?
23) Use bad math to back up your claims.
This is how children raised by religious parents cannot get into good schools (see point 16 above). It’s also the reason why you guys think 6000 years means 6 billion years.
24) Drink the last beer in the fridge.
This is how religious wars always start. Also, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. Atheists do not steal. Faithers steal hopes, dreams, and….beer.
25) ...and buy natural light to replace it.
Natural light? Atheists know a liar when they hear one, and you don’t drink beer.
26) Witness for Jesus, and completely ignore anything your competition says.
Is Jesus on trial? Also, competition for faithers is TRUTH. That’s why you guys are losing.
27) Call him a meanie.
Do faithers not talk to women? Patriarch much, hmm?
28) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you will still have your faith.
How can you “have” something that is a negative? Faith is a LACK of something, i.e. knowledge.
29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.
Atheists will show you the whole bible and tell you it ALL looks bad. So that means if the whole book does not mean what it says then……what does it mean exactly?
30) Argue that the Bible stories are not myths . . . they're parables. And they're all true!
Atheists will look at this person with a blank stare (yet again), and wait exactly 0 seconds for them to prove anything in the bible, and then they will continue to walk past the hobo with an empty cup.
31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory with the disclaimer that you're not a physicist like he is.
The atheist physicist will say that you don’t have to be a physicist to understand it, only faithers will say you have to be something in order to understand anything.
32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.
Yawn….see point 31.
33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."
Atheists learnt that in second grade.
34) Use Latin a lot.
Dues est mortuus
35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible; ignore questions as to who was saved prior to 1611.
Atheists will not be asking you questions, because they will be too busy teaching you.
36) Tell him that Moses wrote the Books of Moses.
Atheists will say Moses did not exist but was in fact a bastardization of Mises the Egyptian god.
37) Explain that the lack of proof doesn't mean it didn't happen.
I have no proof your mother is fat, smelly or that you fucked her, therefore you fucked your fat smelly mother.
38) ...and give him a blank look when he says that all people tried for a crime would go to jail.
Actually, THIS is what atheists want from you people. To SHUT…THE FUCK...UP.
39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on evolution.
You just admitted that religious people are evolved, because atheists think you guys are wrong.
40) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
41) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
42) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
Atheists will tell you that A.D. actually stands for anno domini, but you guys will probably say “that’s not true! We don’t believe that!”
44) Accuse him of being an agnostic, since he isn't 100% positive that God does not exist.
Atheists ARE 100% positive God does not exist. That’s the uh….definition of an atheist.
45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.
If it to be taken literally, you would be dead already for sinning. (see points 10 and 24 above)
46) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways.
Atheists will say that only SHE MOVES in mysterious ways.
47) ...and we're too small to comprehend his reasoning.
Then how can you presume to know anything about your God? Why speak? Shhhhh….
48) ...and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should be."
Atheists will say that you guys have already done that. That is why your God just so happens to be human, a man, and has human qualities.
49) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so much proves God's existence.
I like to talk about you fucking your mother A LOT MORE than talking about God. This proves you fuck your mother.
50) Tell him you know God exists because Mount Everest exists.
Mount Everest doesn’t exist. You are going to have to prove this to me because I have never seen it with my own eyes.
51) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and crew, but one little girl survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that this miracle proves the existence of God.
God must have loathed the other 299 little girls, because the plane was actually the Little Miss Sunshine pageant group touring across the country. You want to play hypotheticals? Atheists are better at it than you.
52) Insist that Noah's Ark and the Shroud of Turin are real.
What are these things? I have no idea what an ark is. I have no idea what a “Turin” is. Is that the stuff in Redbull?
53) ...and tell him about the special on FOX where you saw it.
Atheists do not watch Fox, let alone TV, because it is ruled by religious madmen.
54) When he shows you a verse about genocide, ask him how he dares to question the morality of God.
How he dares? Easy, there’s double dare, double dog dare, and the ever risky triple dog dare. Don’t triple dog dare us, because then we may have to start believing in God. Wait a minute, I think this how religion started. Something must have got lost somewhere like that “ark” you keep talking about.
55) Punch him in the face. Hard.
So it only takes the atheist 55 times of pointing out your errors before you get violent? That’s pretty good considering the bloody GENOCIDAL history of religion. Also, that is assault and you’ll end up a believer in jail. OK 55 down, a fucking shitload to go. P.S. Atheists have more “stamina” than religious people. Atheists out there, you know what I mean.
56) When asked to prove a statement you made, say that you already proved it.
Atheists will not ask you to prove anything, because we know better to ask you guys for any truth.
57) Tell him that we all fall short of God's grace.
I’m 6’2”, is grace higher than this? If it is, I can wear work boots (the boots with the blood of Christ’s beaten pulp of a body on them).
58) Insist that faith is the only logical answer.
I….truly….believe…..on faith……that you fuck your mother. Ahhhhh, that does sound logical to me.
59) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that it's out of context.
The atheist will not be carrying a bible, so we will not quote it. Plus, believers do not understand the concept of context.
60) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in correct context, tell him you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.
So God smites the Catholics and the Jews? Jesus was a Jew.
61) Tell him you must study the Bible for many years to reject Christianity.
Not too many years, just as many years as it takes to move out of our parent’s house.
62) ...and when he points out that you reject Islam despite never having studied the Qu'ran, say that you have faith, and faith is all you need.
Then you would be willing to burn all the bibles in the world, erase all electronic versions? If faith is all you need, you should be fine with this. I’ll order the blow-torches on your behalf if you’d like.
63) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't see the air.
All atheists can see air. What, YOU can’t see air? What’s wrong with your eyes? All of us can see air just fine. You must be a weak believer, you have to believe harder. Believe really intensely that you have the ability to see air. Ask for God’s guidance on this. After one year of daily and hourly attempts, you should be able to see air just like atheists do. When you discover it, boy will you ever like it! If it takes you longer than a year, this shouldn’t bother you, because you have been waiting 2000 years for Jesus, so what’s one year? Keep trying skippy…
64) Sigh, shake your head, and say "I just know that someday you'll need Jesus."
Like herpes.
65) Talk about how you used to be a miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal until you found God.
Then the atheist will wait for you to say that you then became a God-fearing miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal. Also, atheists will try to console you on your lack of sex.
66) Change your handle every couple weeks.
One two week period your “handle” is Palmela, the next two week period your “handle” is Hangie (on account of your lack of sex for having found God).
67) Knock on his door at 9:00 in the morning and offer him a pamphlet.
Rex, meet solicitor, solicitor, meet my Christian-eating pitbull.
68) Tell him that God loves him, even if he doesn't love himself.
If God doesn’t love himself, why would I want to love him? You have to love yourself before you can be loved.
69) Admonish him to have sex for reproductive purposes only.
What’s that? Atheists can’t hear you over their partners orgasmic screams of intense sexual pleasure.
70) Tell him about Christ's plan for salvation for the billionth time.
Not even close. You guys are on about the trillion trillionths time. Atheists are more patient than you.
71) Refuse to debate.
That would be really nice if you guys would STFU once and for all. Refuse to debate? Yes please!
72) Name a bunch of smart Christian people.
Only a bunch? Atheists can name hundreds. Man, you can’t even win at your own games. Oh, and you can be smart and Christian, but you wouldn’t really be a Christian because you would be smart. Let’s just say there are no smart Christians. Christians are actually quite primitive, and smell like wine.
73) ...and when he names a bunch of smart atheist people, call him stupid.
If atheists can be smart, what’s your beef?
74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to mistranslation.
OK, it is apparent the whole bible is in error. If the whole thing is a mistranslation, you guys have a lot of explaining to do.
75) ...and then pull up a mistranslation from Isaiah to prove that Jesus fulfilled prophecy.
Isaiah is a mistranslation? Prove it you agnostic.
76) Burn him at the stake.
Atheists will point out that Christians have burnt other Christians at the stake for being different. Also, your fascination with human suffering and pain is the primary reason there is atheism. Keep it up, and you just might convert the whole globe to atheism.
77) When shown that the Bible says that Pi=3, say that the Hebrews didn't know anything about science, so it's not their fault.
Atheists will point and laugh and say that if ignorance is an excuse, and atheists are ignorant, then it’s not our fault, and you shouldn’t have any problems with us.
78) When shown the creation account in Genesis, insist that the Hebrews had all kinds of scientific savvy, being inspired by God.
Atheists will not look at the creation account, because it is not an account of creation.
79) Lead him on until the very last moment, then tell him no . . . not until you're married.
You mean the psychological and physical abuse that typically takes place in religious marriages? Atheists will say to hell with marriage.
80) Insist that a person who makes Christianity look bad was not a True Christian.
That would be all Christians today in the world then. All you people are making it look bad because you are not happy.
81) Claim intellectual superiority on the grounds that only smart people read the Bible.
How can you claim intellectual superiority when you can’t even do basic math? (see question 23)
82) Smile smugly and tell him that there are no atheists in foxholes.
Yes there are. There are foxes in the foxholes and they don’t believe in God.
83) Quote Psalm 14:1 to him.
The atheist will remind the believer that people think with their brains in most cases, and sometimes with their penises.
84) ...and then tell him that you think highly of him, and want to be his friend.
After you threatened us to eternal damnation, punched us in the face, belaboured us with continuous harassment, then burnt us at the stake? I think atheists would rather accept friendship offers from your fat smelly mother.
85) Give him the special gift of his very own "paraphrased" modern Bible.
The bible IS a paraphrase. It is a paraphrase for “this is what is not true. Do what this book tells you not to do”.
86) Speak to him with a fake Austrailian accent.
Where is this Austrailia country? Is it near Australia?
87) Cite my Formatted Theology page as a collection of successful proofs for God's existence.
THOU SHALT NOT LIE. Methinks you should be burnt at the stake for all the lies you are trying to (legibly) write.
88) Threaten to kill yourself if he doesn't believe.
I think I speak for all atheists when I say: “I DON’T BELIEVE”. So have fun in hell for killing yourself!! OK, so that’s FOUR sins you have said you will make. I myself am not planning on doing any of these things. Thus I am winning at your own game (again) 4-0.
89) Equivocate scientific faith with religious faith, and conclude that, metaphysically, you are both in the same boat.
Atheists wish the boat you’re on is the Titanic.
More will follow….playing with Christians is so fun….
1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.
Atheists do not believe in God so they cannot be bitter towards something that doesn’t exist.
2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.
Why? Are you saying that the ONLY reason you are not killing anyone is because there is a God? It’s not because you think killing is wrong?
3) Ask them to pray with you.
We will politely decline, walk away, and then snicker behind your back
4) Invite their children to go to church with you.
That is called child abuse and you can go to jail
5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.
We will then say that insistence does not imply a proof. Then we will show you exactly where in the Koran it says Allah is the Supreme Being. What’s your point?
6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.
Atheists will just look at you with a blank stare because WTF is a “chick tract”?
7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."
Atheists will agree that the universe doesn’t “just exist”, because it evolved over billions of years.
8) Make up statistics.
Like God exists?
9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."
So all Atheists are smarter than believers? Atheists already knew that, but are you prepared to admit this? Won’t the church come after you and rape you or kill you?
10) Accuse them of persecuting you.
That’s called LYING, which even atheists know is a sin in your bizarre world.
11) Bring up arguments that make no sense whatsoever; criticze their response with "You're just not making sense".
You mean like the nonsensical argument that God exists?
12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.
Atheists will take that bet, because we know we’ll win.
13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.
Faithers do not believe in science, therefore they cannot use any LAW of science.
14) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never follow up on them.
You guys are already doing that. Like this list…
15) Say that seperation of church and state isn't in the Constitution; insist that the Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments.
Atheists read books other than the bible, so atheists can teach you about not only the Constitution, but also the Ten Commandments (see response #10 above). In fact chances are that your literate pastor is atheist.
16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of information.
This is why believers cannot publish academic papers.
17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."
This is why believers cannot find a cure for anything, they think everyone’s a doctor.
18) Tell them they know in their hearts that God exists.
Atheists do not think with any organ other than our brains. Actually that is not quite accurate. Many of us think with our penises. PENISES. You know, what the Catholic Bishops like to suck on during Sunday school.
19) Point out that we all take things on faith.
I say to you that God does not exist. Thus you will take this on faith just like everything else.
20) Before starting an argument, say "You're an atheist? That means you're going to hell!"
Atheists will point out that not every single conversation has to end up in an argument. That’s the believer’s job. Also, atheists know hell doesn’t exist. Finally, the second law of thermodynamics you alluded to above actually disproves a hell can exist.
21) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."
Any atheist who is reading this point will laugh hysterically. They know what I am talking about, and I can guess that we will both agree that you don’t know why we’re laughing.
22) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth."
Thou shalt not judge, lest he be judged. I mean really, do atheists have to teach you everything about religion?
23) Use bad math to back up your claims.
This is how children raised by religious parents cannot get into good schools (see point 16 above). It’s also the reason why you guys think 6000 years means 6 billion years.
24) Drink the last beer in the fridge.
This is how religious wars always start. Also, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. Atheists do not steal. Faithers steal hopes, dreams, and….beer.
25) ...and buy natural light to replace it.
Natural light? Atheists know a liar when they hear one, and you don’t drink beer.
26) Witness for Jesus, and completely ignore anything your competition says.
Is Jesus on trial? Also, competition for faithers is TRUTH. That’s why you guys are losing.
27) Call him a meanie.
Do faithers not talk to women? Patriarch much, hmm?
28) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you will still have your faith.
How can you “have” something that is a negative? Faith is a LACK of something, i.e. knowledge.
29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.
Atheists will show you the whole bible and tell you it ALL looks bad. So that means if the whole book does not mean what it says then……what does it mean exactly?
30) Argue that the Bible stories are not myths . . . they're parables. And they're all true!
Atheists will look at this person with a blank stare (yet again), and wait exactly 0 seconds for them to prove anything in the bible, and then they will continue to walk past the hobo with an empty cup.
31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory with the disclaimer that you're not a physicist like he is.
The atheist physicist will say that you don’t have to be a physicist to understand it, only faithers will say you have to be something in order to understand anything.
32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.
Yawn….see point 31.
33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."
Atheists learnt that in second grade.
34) Use Latin a lot.
Dues est mortuus
35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible; ignore questions as to who was saved prior to 1611.
Atheists will not be asking you questions, because they will be too busy teaching you.
36) Tell him that Moses wrote the Books of Moses.
Atheists will say Moses did not exist but was in fact a bastardization of Mises the Egyptian god.
37) Explain that the lack of proof doesn't mean it didn't happen.
I have no proof your mother is fat, smelly or that you fucked her, therefore you fucked your fat smelly mother.
38) ...and give him a blank look when he says that all people tried for a crime would go to jail.
Actually, THIS is what atheists want from you people. To SHUT…THE FUCK...UP.
39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on evolution.
You just admitted that religious people are evolved, because atheists think you guys are wrong.
40) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
41) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
42) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
Atheists will tell you that A.D. actually stands for anno domini, but you guys will probably say “that’s not true! We don’t believe that!”
44) Accuse him of being an agnostic, since he isn't 100% positive that God does not exist.
Atheists ARE 100% positive God does not exist. That’s the uh….definition of an atheist.
45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.
If it to be taken literally, you would be dead already for sinning. (see points 10 and 24 above)
46) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways.
Atheists will say that only SHE MOVES in mysterious ways.
47) ...and we're too small to comprehend his reasoning.
Then how can you presume to know anything about your God? Why speak? Shhhhh….
48) ...and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should be."
Atheists will say that you guys have already done that. That is why your God just so happens to be human, a man, and has human qualities.
49) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so much proves God's existence.
I like to talk about you fucking your mother A LOT MORE than talking about God. This proves you fuck your mother.
50) Tell him you know God exists because Mount Everest exists.
Mount Everest doesn’t exist. You are going to have to prove this to me because I have never seen it with my own eyes.
51) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and crew, but one little girl survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that this miracle proves the existence of God.
God must have loathed the other 299 little girls, because the plane was actually the Little Miss Sunshine pageant group touring across the country. You want to play hypotheticals? Atheists are better at it than you.
52) Insist that Noah's Ark and the Shroud of Turin are real.
What are these things? I have no idea what an ark is. I have no idea what a “Turin” is. Is that the stuff in Redbull?
53) ...and tell him about the special on FOX where you saw it.
Atheists do not watch Fox, let alone TV, because it is ruled by religious madmen.
54) When he shows you a verse about genocide, ask him how he dares to question the morality of God.
How he dares? Easy, there’s double dare, double dog dare, and the ever risky triple dog dare. Don’t triple dog dare us, because then we may have to start believing in God. Wait a minute, I think this how religion started. Something must have got lost somewhere like that “ark” you keep talking about.
55) Punch him in the face. Hard.
So it only takes the atheist 55 times of pointing out your errors before you get violent? That’s pretty good considering the bloody GENOCIDAL history of religion. Also, that is assault and you’ll end up a believer in jail. OK 55 down, a fucking shitload to go. P.S. Atheists have more “stamina” than religious people. Atheists out there, you know what I mean.
56) When asked to prove a statement you made, say that you already proved it.
Atheists will not ask you to prove anything, because we know better to ask you guys for any truth.
57) Tell him that we all fall short of God's grace.
I’m 6’2”, is grace higher than this? If it is, I can wear work boots (the boots with the blood of Christ’s beaten pulp of a body on them).
58) Insist that faith is the only logical answer.
I….truly….believe…..on faith……that you fuck your mother. Ahhhhh, that does sound logical to me.
59) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that it's out of context.
The atheist will not be carrying a bible, so we will not quote it. Plus, believers do not understand the concept of context.
60) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in correct context, tell him you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.
So God smites the Catholics and the Jews? Jesus was a Jew.
61) Tell him you must study the Bible for many years to reject Christianity.
Not too many years, just as many years as it takes to move out of our parent’s house.
62) ...and when he points out that you reject Islam despite never having studied the Qu'ran, say that you have faith, and faith is all you need.
Then you would be willing to burn all the bibles in the world, erase all electronic versions? If faith is all you need, you should be fine with this. I’ll order the blow-torches on your behalf if you’d like.
63) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't see the air.
All atheists can see air. What, YOU can’t see air? What’s wrong with your eyes? All of us can see air just fine. You must be a weak believer, you have to believe harder. Believe really intensely that you have the ability to see air. Ask for God’s guidance on this. After one year of daily and hourly attempts, you should be able to see air just like atheists do. When you discover it, boy will you ever like it! If it takes you longer than a year, this shouldn’t bother you, because you have been waiting 2000 years for Jesus, so what’s one year? Keep trying skippy…
64) Sigh, shake your head, and say "I just know that someday you'll need Jesus."
Like herpes.
65) Talk about how you used to be a miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal until you found God.
Then the atheist will wait for you to say that you then became a God-fearing miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal. Also, atheists will try to console you on your lack of sex.
66) Change your handle every couple weeks.
One two week period your “handle” is Palmela, the next two week period your “handle” is Hangie (on account of your lack of sex for having found God).
67) Knock on his door at 9:00 in the morning and offer him a pamphlet.
Rex, meet solicitor, solicitor, meet my Christian-eating pitbull.
68) Tell him that God loves him, even if he doesn't love himself.
If God doesn’t love himself, why would I want to love him? You have to love yourself before you can be loved.
69) Admonish him to have sex for reproductive purposes only.
What’s that? Atheists can’t hear you over their partners orgasmic screams of intense sexual pleasure.
70) Tell him about Christ's plan for salvation for the billionth time.
Not even close. You guys are on about the trillion trillionths time. Atheists are more patient than you.
71) Refuse to debate.
That would be really nice if you guys would STFU once and for all. Refuse to debate? Yes please!
72) Name a bunch of smart Christian people.
Only a bunch? Atheists can name hundreds. Man, you can’t even win at your own games. Oh, and you can be smart and Christian, but you wouldn’t really be a Christian because you would be smart. Let’s just say there are no smart Christians. Christians are actually quite primitive, and smell like wine.
73) ...and when he names a bunch of smart atheist people, call him stupid.
If atheists can be smart, what’s your beef?
74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to mistranslation.
OK, it is apparent the whole bible is in error. If the whole thing is a mistranslation, you guys have a lot of explaining to do.
75) ...and then pull up a mistranslation from Isaiah to prove that Jesus fulfilled prophecy.
Isaiah is a mistranslation? Prove it you agnostic.
76) Burn him at the stake.
Atheists will point out that Christians have burnt other Christians at the stake for being different. Also, your fascination with human suffering and pain is the primary reason there is atheism. Keep it up, and you just might convert the whole globe to atheism.
77) When shown that the Bible says that Pi=3, say that the Hebrews didn't know anything about science, so it's not their fault.
Atheists will point and laugh and say that if ignorance is an excuse, and atheists are ignorant, then it’s not our fault, and you shouldn’t have any problems with us.
78) When shown the creation account in Genesis, insist that the Hebrews had all kinds of scientific savvy, being inspired by God.
Atheists will not look at the creation account, because it is not an account of creation.
79) Lead him on until the very last moment, then tell him no . . . not until you're married.
You mean the psychological and physical abuse that typically takes place in religious marriages? Atheists will say to hell with marriage.
80) Insist that a person who makes Christianity look bad was not a True Christian.
That would be all Christians today in the world then. All you people are making it look bad because you are not happy.
81) Claim intellectual superiority on the grounds that only smart people read the Bible.
How can you claim intellectual superiority when you can’t even do basic math? (see question 23)
82) Smile smugly and tell him that there are no atheists in foxholes.
Yes there are. There are foxes in the foxholes and they don’t believe in God.
83) Quote Psalm 14:1 to him.
The atheist will remind the believer that people think with their brains in most cases, and sometimes with their penises.
84) ...and then tell him that you think highly of him, and want to be his friend.
After you threatened us to eternal damnation, punched us in the face, belaboured us with continuous harassment, then burnt us at the stake? I think atheists would rather accept friendship offers from your fat smelly mother.
85) Give him the special gift of his very own "paraphrased" modern Bible.
The bible IS a paraphrase. It is a paraphrase for “this is what is not true. Do what this book tells you not to do”.
86) Speak to him with a fake Austrailian accent.
Where is this Austrailia country? Is it near Australia?
87) Cite my Formatted Theology page as a collection of successful proofs for God's existence.
THOU SHALT NOT LIE. Methinks you should be burnt at the stake for all the lies you are trying to (legibly) write.
88) Threaten to kill yourself if he doesn't believe.
I think I speak for all atheists when I say: “I DON’T BELIEVE”. So have fun in hell for killing yourself!! OK, so that’s FOUR sins you have said you will make. I myself am not planning on doing any of these things. Thus I am winning at your own game (again) 4-0.
89) Equivocate scientific faith with religious faith, and conclude that, metaphysically, you are both in the same boat.
Atheists wish the boat you’re on is the Titanic.
More will follow….playing with Christians is so fun….
1) Ask them why they are bitter against God.
Atheists do not believe in God so they cannot be bitter towards something that doesn’t exist.
2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.
Why? Are you saying that the ONLY reason you are not killing anyone is because there is a God? It’s not because you think killing is wrong?
3) Ask them to pray with you.
We will politely decline, walk away, and then snicker behind your back
4) Invite their children to go to church with you.
That is called child abuse and you can go to jail
5) Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.
We will then say that insistence does not imply a proof. Then we will show you exactly where in the Koran it says Allah is the Supreme Being. What’s your point?
6) Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.
Atheists will just look at you with a blank stare because WTF is a “chick tract”?
7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."
Atheists will agree that the universe doesn’t “just exist”, because it evolved over billions of years.
8) Make up statistics.
Like God exists?
9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."
So all Atheists are smarter than believers? Atheists already knew that, but are you prepared to admit this? Won’t the church come after you and rape you or kill you?
10) Accuse them of persecuting you.
That’s called LYING, which even atheists know is a sin in your bizarre world.
11) Bring up arguments that make no sense whatsoever; criticze their response with "You're just not making sense".
You mean like the nonsensical argument that God exists?
12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.
Atheists will take that bet, because we know we’ll win.
13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.
Faithers do not believe in science, therefore they cannot use any LAW of science.
14) Post inane arguments on the Internet, and never follow up on them.
You guys are already doing that. Like this list…
15) Say that seperation of church and state isn't in the Constitution; insist that the Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments.
Atheists read books other than the bible, so atheists can teach you about not only the Constitution, but also the Ten Commandments (see response #10 above). In fact chances are that your literate pastor is atheist.
16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of information.
This is why believers cannot publish academic papers.
17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."
This is why believers cannot find a cure for anything, they think everyone’s a doctor.
18) Tell them they know in their hearts that God exists.
Atheists do not think with any organ other than our brains. Actually that is not quite accurate. Many of us think with our penises. PENISES. You know, what the Catholic Bishops like to suck on during Sunday school.
19) Point out that we all take things on faith.
I say to you that God does not exist. Thus you will take this on faith just like everything else.
20) Before starting an argument, say "You're an atheist? That means you're going to hell!"
Atheists will point out that not every single conversation has to end up in an argument. That’s the believer’s job. Also, atheists know hell doesn’t exist. Finally, the second law of thermodynamics you alluded to above actually disproves a hell can exist.
21) After losing the argument say, "I pity you."
Any atheist who is reading this point will laugh hysterically. They know what I am talking about, and I can guess that we will both agree that you don’t know why we’re laughing.
22) Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth."
Thou shalt not judge, lest he be judged. I mean really, do atheists have to teach you everything about religion?
23) Use bad math to back up your claims.
This is how children raised by religious parents cannot get into good schools (see point 16 above). It’s also the reason why you guys think 6000 years means 6 billion years.
24) Drink the last beer in the fridge.
This is how religious wars always start. Also, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. Atheists do not steal. Faithers steal hopes, dreams, and….beer.
25) ...and buy natural light to replace it.
Natural light? Atheists know a liar when they hear one, and you don’t drink beer.
26) Witness for Jesus, and completely ignore anything your competition says.
Is Jesus on trial? Also, competition for faithers is TRUTH. That’s why you guys are losing.
27) Call him a meanie.
Do faithers not talk to women? Patriarch much, hmm?
28) Tell him you don't care what you say or prove, you will still have your faith.
How can you “have” something that is a negative? Faith is a LACK of something, i.e. knowledge.
29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.
Atheists will show you the whole bible and tell you it ALL looks bad. So that means if the whole book does not mean what it says then……what does it mean exactly?
30) Argue that the Bible stories are not myths . . . they're parables. And they're all true!
Atheists will look at this person with a blank stare (yet again), and wait exactly 0 seconds for them to prove anything in the bible, and then they will continue to walk past the hobo with an empty cup.
31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory with the disclaimer that you're not a physicist like he is.
The atheist physicist will say that you don’t have to be a physicist to understand it, only faithers will say you have to be something in order to understand anything.
32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.
Yawn….see point 31.
33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."
Atheists learnt that in second grade.
34) Use Latin a lot.
Dues est mortuus
35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible; ignore questions as to who was saved prior to 1611.
Atheists will not be asking you questions, because they will be too busy teaching you.
36) Tell him that Moses wrote the Books of Moses.
Atheists will say Moses did not exist but was in fact a bastardization of Mises the Egyptian god.
37) Explain that the lack of proof doesn't mean it didn't happen.
I have no proof your mother is fat, smelly or that you fucked her, therefore you fucked your fat smelly mother.
38) ...and give him a blank look when he says that all people tried for a crime would go to jail.
Actually, THIS is what atheists want from you people. To SHUT…THE FUCK...UP.
39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on evolution.
You just admitted that religious people are evolved, because atheists think you guys are wrong.
40) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
41) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
42) Repeat something over and over, as if that made it true.
God exists…..god exists…..god exists….
43) Tell him that he acknowledges Christ every time he uses "A.D." -- which, of course, stands for "After Death."
Atheists will tell you that A.D. actually stands for anno domini, but you guys will probably say “that’s not true! We don’t believe that!”
44) Accuse him of being an agnostic, since he isn't 100% positive that God does not exist.
Atheists ARE 100% positive God does not exist. That’s the uh….definition of an atheist.
45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.
If it to be taken literally, you would be dead already for sinning. (see points 10 and 24 above)
46) Tell him that God works in mysterious ways.
Atheists will say that only SHE MOVES in mysterious ways.
47) ...and we're too small to comprehend his reasoning.
Then how can you presume to know anything about your God? Why speak? Shhhhh….
48) ...and we shouldn't think of him as "how he should be."
Atheists will say that you guys have already done that. That is why your God just so happens to be human, a man, and has human qualities.
49) Point out that the fact that he talks about God so much proves God's existence.
I like to talk about you fucking your mother A LOT MORE than talking about God. This proves you fuck your mother.
50) Tell him you know God exists because Mount Everest exists.
Mount Everest doesn’t exist. You are going to have to prove this to me because I have never seen it with my own eyes.
51) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and crew, but one little girl survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that this miracle proves the existence of God.
God must have loathed the other 299 little girls, because the plane was actually the Little Miss Sunshine pageant group touring across the country. You want to play hypotheticals? Atheists are better at it than you.
52) Insist that Noah's Ark and the Shroud of Turin are real.
What are these things? I have no idea what an ark is. I have no idea what a “Turin” is. Is that the stuff in Redbull?
53) ...and tell him about the special on FOX where you saw it.
Atheists do not watch Fox, let alone TV, because it is ruled by religious madmen.
54) When he shows you a verse about genocide, ask him how he dares to question the morality of God.
How he dares? Easy, there’s double dare, double dog dare, and the ever risky triple dog dare. Don’t triple dog dare us, because then we may have to start believing in God. Wait a minute, I think this how religion started. Something must have got lost somewhere like that “ark” you keep talking about.
55) Punch him in the face. Hard.
So it only takes the atheist 55 times of pointing out your errors before you get violent? That’s pretty good considering the bloody GENOCIDAL history of religion. Also, that is assault and you’ll end up a believer in jail. OK 55 down, a fucking shitload to go. P.S. Atheists have more “stamina” than religious people. Atheists out there, you know what I mean.
56) When asked to prove a statement you made, say that you already proved it.
Atheists will not ask you to prove anything, because we know better to ask you guys for any truth.
57) Tell him that we all fall short of God's grace.
I’m 6’2”, is grace higher than this? If it is, I can wear work boots (the boots with the blood of Christ’s beaten pulp of a body on them).
58) Insist that faith is the only logical answer.
I….truly….believe…..on faith……that you fuck your mother. Ahhhhh, that does sound logical to me.
59) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that it's out of context.
The atheist will not be carrying a bible, so we will not quote it. Plus, believers do not understand the concept of context.
60) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in correct context, tell him you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.
So God smites the Catholics and the Jews? Jesus was a Jew.
61) Tell him you must study the Bible for many years to reject Christianity.
Not too many years, just as many years as it takes to move out of our parent’s house.
62) ...and when he points out that you reject Islam despite never having studied the Qu'ran, say that you have faith, and faith is all you need.
Then you would be willing to burn all the bibles in the world, erase all electronic versions? If faith is all you need, you should be fine with this. I’ll order the blow-torches on your behalf if you’d like.
63) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't see the air.
All atheists can see air. What, YOU can’t see air? What’s wrong with your eyes? All of us can see air just fine. You must be a weak believer, you have to believe harder. Believe really intensely that you have the ability to see air. Ask for God’s guidance on this. After one year of daily and hourly attempts, you should be able to see air just like atheists do. When you discover it, boy will you ever like it! If it takes you longer than a year, this shouldn’t bother you, because you have been waiting 2000 years for Jesus, so what’s one year? Keep trying skippy…
64) Sigh, shake your head, and say "I just know that someday you'll need Jesus."
Like herpes.
65) Talk about how you used to be a miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal until you found God.
Then the atheist will wait for you to say that you then became a God-fearing miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal. Also, atheists will try to console you on your lack of sex.
66) Change your handle every couple weeks.
One two week period your “handle” is Palmela, the next two week period your “handle” is Hangie (on account of your lack of sex for having found God).
67) Knock on his door at 9:00 in the morning and offer him a pamphlet.
Rex, meet solicitor, solicitor, meet my Christian-eating pitbull.
68) Tell him that God loves him, even if he doesn't love himself.
If God doesn’t love himself, why would I want to love him? You have to love yourself before you can be loved.
69) Admonish him to have sex for reproductive purposes only.
What’s that? Atheists can’t hear you over their partners orgasmic screams of intense sexual pleasure.
70) Tell him about Christ's plan for salvation for the billionth time.
Not even close. You guys are on about the trillion trillionths time. Atheists are more patient than you.
71) Refuse to debate.
That would be really nice if you guys would STFU once and for all. Refuse to debate? Yes please!
72) Name a bunch of smart Christian people.
Only a bunch? Atheists can name hundreds. Man, you can’t even win at your own games. Oh, and you can be smart and Christian, but you wouldn’t really be a Christian because you would be smart. Let’s just say there are no smart Christians. Christians are actually quite primitive, and smell like wine.
73) ...and when he names a bunch of smart atheist people, call him stupid.
If atheists can be smart, what’s your beef?
74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to mistranslation.
OK, it is apparent the whole bible is in error. If the whole thing is a mistranslation, you guys have a lot of explaining to do.
75) ...and then pull up a mistranslation from Isaiah to prove that Jesus fulfilled prophecy.
Isaiah is a mistranslation? Prove it you agnostic.
76) Burn him at the stake.
Atheists will point out that Christians have burnt other Christians at the stake for being different. Also, your fascination with human suffering and pain is the primary reason there is atheism. Keep it up, and you just might convert the whole globe to atheism.
77) When shown that the Bible says that Pi=3, say that the Hebrews didn't know anything about science, so it's not their fault.
Atheists will point and laugh and say that if ignorance is an excuse, and atheists are ignorant, then it’s not our fault, and you shouldn’t have any problems with us.
78) When shown the creation account in Genesis, insist that the Hebrews had all kinds of scientific savvy, being inspired by God.
Atheists will not look at the creation account, because it is not an account of creation.
79) Lead him on until the very last moment, then tell him no . . . not until you're married.
You mean the psychological and physical abuse that typically takes place in religious marriages? Atheists will say to hell with marriage.
80) Insist that a person who makes Christianity look bad was not a True Christian.
That would be all Christians today in the world then. All you people are making it look bad because you are not happy.
81) Claim intellectual superiority on the grounds that only smart people read the Bible.
How can you claim intellectual superiority when you can’t even do basic math? (see question 23)
82) Smile smugly and tell him that there are no atheists in foxholes.
Yes there are. There are foxes in the foxholes and they don’t believe in God.
83) Quote Psalm 14:1 to him.
The atheist will remind the believer that people think with their brains in most cases, and sometimes with their penises.
84) ...and then tell him that you think highly of him, and want to be his friend.
After you threatened us to eternal damnation, punched us in the face, belaboured us with continuous harassment, then burnt us at the stake? I think atheists would rather accept friendship offers from your fat smelly mother.
85) Give him the special gift of his very own "paraphrased" modern Bible.
The bible IS a paraphrase. It is a paraphrase for “this is what is not true. Do what this book tells you not to do”.
86) Speak to him with a fake Austrailian accent.
Where is this Austrailia country? Is it near Australia?
87) Cite my Formatted Theology page as a collection of successful proofs for God's existence.
THOU SHALT NOT LIE. Methinks you should be burnt at the stake for all the lies you are trying to (legibly) write.
88) Threaten to kill yourself if he doesn't believe.
I think I speak for all atheists when I say: “I DON’T BELIEVE”. So have fun in hell for killing yourself!! OK, so that’s FOUR sins you have said you will make. I myself am not planning on doing any of these things. Thus I am winning at your own game (again) 4-0.
89) Equivocate scientific faith with religious faith, and conclude that, metaphysically, you are both in the same boat.
Atheists wish the boat you’re on is the Titanic.
More will follow….playing with Christians is so fun….
90) Claim that archaeology is proof of the Bible's truth.
Then you wouldn’t mind if archaeologists dig up a previous version of the bible that says Jesus was married to Mary Magdalan and had children?
91) Misconstrue logical terms in order to prove that logic does not work.
Atheist will teach you a logic lesson: If logical “terms” exist, then so does logic itself. If logic itself exists, then it must work. Logic class dismissed. Now go back to church to learn more logical fallacies.
92) Claim that logic is the atheist's god.
That would suit an atheist just fine.
93) Claim that atheism is not only a belief -- it's a knowledge claim.
That would suit atheists just fine as well. Have you had enlightenments or something?
94) Support your ludicrous contentions with "Most scholars agree that..."
Strike my previous comment. If your claims are ludicrous, then so is God.
95) Use only circular reasoning.
Like this whole list, your existence, your whole life?
96) Claim that the atheist only uses circular reasoning.
Religion is based on faith. Without faith there is no religion. But religion teaches faith, so you must have religion in order to have faith. Discuss…
97) Claim that circular reasoning is legitimate due to circular reasoning being legitimate.
This circle jerk of a sentence is not circular reasoning; it is simply repeating words in a different order. You should take Logic class, but you first have to learn basic math, and accept that God does not exist.
98) Use the phrase "Hate the sin, love the sinner" as a blanket response to the notion that Christianity is at fault for something.
If this were true, then Christians would not murder anyone. Clearly Christians are much more murderous throughout history than atheists.
99) State that Christianity has done a lot of good along with all the mass murder.
Idiot, meet Orwell, Orwell, meet your intellectual heir. Fucking Christians….really…justifying mass murder in a silly attempt to rile those who are knowledgeable.
100) When asked to explain a theological concept, compare it to something simple, like "water," and then misunderstand that you have incorrectly labeled the constructs of your analogy, then dismiss the whole thing with, "You've just got to have faith."
Again, atheists will not ask you any questions, because they are either having wild orgasms or they are teaching you.
101) Upon hearing that he is an atheist, jump back reflexively, as if you don't want to catch whatever it is he's got.
Intelligence?
102) ...then look at him as if he were a diseased leper who just spit in your eye.
Leper? LEPER?!?!? My word Christians really ARE out of step with the times. I guess in 2000 more years Christians will realize AIDS exists.
103) End all your posts with John 3:16.
That quote is reserved for Stone Cold Steve Austin’s shirt, and there is nothing you or your God can do about it.
104) ...or "God Bless."
At least somebody or something is positive. The messengers are the problem you know.
105) When he takes the time and trouble to explain where your analogy or interpretation is at fault, begin your response with a sigh, so he'll know how patient you're being.
That sigh is just you rehearsing the lines in your head that you always use over and over and over again in all discussions, without having any idea what the meaning of those words are.
106) Open a minor-league baseball game with the national anthem, followed by a gospel quartet singing a hymn, and solemn prayer. (True story!)
You mean this hypothetical point 106 is true? Wow, that must mean God really does exist. Wait, was this gospel attended by white Christians? According to the bible, black people are inferior. So that baseball game was actually organized by the devil. True story!
107) Open and close a martial arts class with obligatory prayer, including the spectators. (Another true story!)
“Dear Jesus, sorry for beating your ass to a bloody pulp with my kung fu today”
108) Claim that God chooses who is going to heaven and humans have nothing to do with his decision, but he's going to hell because he sinned.
Well, you sinned 4 times already so you’re going straight to hell. Send me a postcard!
109) State that whatever he says is not worthy of consideration, because the Bible says atheists can't discern what's true anyway.
If that’s true, why would you even consider attempting to convert an atheist, why would you start a conversation with an atheist, and why would you write over 250 things to say to an atheist? If we cannot discern truth, then millions of Christian missionaries are wasting precious time that could be spent helping the needy instead of burning atheists at the stake.
110) Offer inane apologetics books in the hopes that he hasn't heard the arguments in them a thousand times already.
You like the word “inane”, but I don’t think you even know what it means.
111) Patiently explain that the 42 children that were torn to bits by two bears sent by God were not really children, but spawn of Satan.
Does “patiently” include a slow yet gradual increasing volume of your voice, culminating in a blanket condemnation with threats of suffering? If it does, I have a use for those two bears, and it involves Christian tongues.
112) When asked if they would sacrifice their own child for God, respond with "God would never ask me to do that."
Atheists would say how dare you know what God will or will not do?
113) Carefully explain that Lot's daughters were never in danger of gang rape, and that Lot knew this all along.
Atheists will say that rape is wrong, and God advocates rape in the old testament. If the bible is literal, then rape is good. BTW, I noticed that your posts are inching towards some really horrific stuff here, I think there is some pent up fantasy of being abused by a stranger in the middle of the night. Atheist women will tell you all about this fantasy.
114) Most carefully of all, explain that while all of the Bible is inerrant, Revelation does not literally mean what it says.
What does literally mean?
115) Tell him that God answers all prayers -- sometimes the answer is no.
Then this must mean that MOST times the answer is yes.
116) Tell him that Christians aren't perfect -- just forgiven.
Atheists will say that human forgiveness is more important than God’s forgiveness.
117) Tell him that he can't love anyone -- that's why he can't love God.
Atheists will say “Ya? Try and stop me from loving”
118) Offer to drive, then insist on listening to Christian Talk Radio.
Atheist, meet radio, radio, meet spilt beer.
119) ...and laugh when you hear "This condom-nation will face condemnation."
Your fat smelly mother would have done the world a service by using a condom.
120) Claim that Einstein was a Christian.
Atheists will point out a quote from Einstein that says he did not.
121) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.
Atheists will point out that this was started by the church who felt threatened with his truths.
122) Tell him that he'll come around just like your daughter did . . . when she got confirmed just so that she could get married in a big church.
So getting confirmed has nothing to do with faith and God but rather a fake work-around in order to get married in a big place? Is this not blasphemous? Sin number 5 kiddo.
123) Vehemently claim that the theory of evolution is incompatible with theism, then turn around and blame the theory for promoting atheism.
Atheists will VEHEMENTLY tell you that VEHEMENTLY is not an appropriate approach to evolution, because it is a science and is thus civilized, not like barbaric Christianity.
124) Say that evolution is not proven -- therefore the Bible is correct.
Atheists will say that gravity waves are not proven, therefore your mother is a crack smoking whore.
125) Tell him it's his responsibility to prove that God doesn't exist.
Atheists have already taken on that responsibility (unlike Christians), and it has already been shown that God does not exist. Now it is the faithers turn to prove it does.
126) Invite him to a church social function, and show up late.
I think the Atheist on a Sunday afternoon will be either sitting at the pool with their friends having a beer, or inside fucking their mate. In any case, by the time you showed up the social function, you will have realized we stood your late ass up.
127) ...because you were with his wife.
If that’s true, then you have managed to commit yet another sin, this time adultery. That’s six sins you are going to have to answer for. Even if they are not true, you are still “mocking” the lord, thus you will go to hell. Also, said wife would not be into your ugly, fat, smelly ass anyway, BELIEVE ME.
128) Deny that his child looks like him.
That should be easy for you, considering you deny all other truths in the world.
129) Ask what he believes in, if not God.
Truth.
130) ...then tell him that nonbelief is also a worldview, therefore there is no such thing as an atheist and Christianity is true.
If it’s ALSO a worldview, it doesn’t DISPROVE the first connection that still exists. Thus Christianity is false.
131) Explain that Buddha's last words were "Jesus, forgive me."
Ironically, the Buddha is where the Christian plagiarists got their ideas from. Christianity is nothing but a bastardized version of Buddhism.
132) ...and tell him that you were "saved" when you heard that story.
By the bell? Kelly was smoking hot…
133) ...and when he explains that Buddha died 500 years before Jesus was born, give him a blank look.
Thanks, that’s what we want. You to SHUT….THE….FUCK…..UP.
134) Say that God can't reveal himself with any real proof, because that would remove the need for faith.
Atheists will teach you that a lack of proof is what precedes a removal of faith. And just why is faith a “need”? Could it be that there is ZERO evidence, which implies ZERO chance of being true? It looks like you’re running out of things to say, and it’s only number 134. It looks like downhill from here… I done, this list is making the logic part of my brain say that Christians really do make the world a hell on Earth…
90) Claim that archaeology is proof of the Bible's truth.
Then you wouldn’t mind if archaeologists dig up a previous version of the bible that says Jesus was married to Mary Magdalan and had children?
91) Misconstrue logical terms in order to prove that logic does not work.
Atheist will teach you a logic lesson: If logical “terms” exist, then so does logic itself. If logic itself exists, then it must work. Logic class dismissed. Now go back to church to learn more logical fallacies.
92) Claim that logic is the atheist's god.
That would suit an atheist just fine.
93) Claim that atheism is not only a belief -- it's a knowledge claim.
That would suit atheists just fine as well. Have you had enlightenments or something?
94) Support your ludicrous contentions with "Most scholars agree that..."
Strike my previous comment. If your claims are ludicrous, then so is God.
95) Use only circular reasoning.
Like this whole list, your existence, your whole life?
96) Claim that the atheist only uses circular reasoning.
Religion is based on faith. Without faith there is no religion. But religion teaches faith, so you must have religion in order to have faith. Discuss…
97) Claim that circular reasoning is legitimate due to circular reasoning being legitimate.
This circle jerk of a sentence is not circular reasoning; it is simply repeating words in a different order. You should take Logic class, but you first have to learn basic math, and accept that God does not exist.
98) Use the phrase "Hate the sin, love the sinner" as a blanket response to the notion that Christianity is at fault for something.
If this were true, then Christians would not murder anyone. Clearly Christians are much more murderous throughout history than atheists.
99) State that Christianity has done a lot of good along with all the mass murder.
Idiot, meet Orwell, Orwell, meet your intellectual heir. Fucking Christians….really…justifying mass murder in a silly attempt to rile those who are knowledgeable.
100) When asked to explain a theological concept, compare it to something simple, like "water," and then misunderstand that you have incorrectly labeled the constructs of your analogy, then dismiss the whole thing with, "You've just got to have faith."
Again, atheists will not ask you any questions, because they are either having wild orgasms or they are teaching you.
101) Upon hearing that he is an atheist, jump back reflexively, as if you don't want to catch whatever it is he's got.
Intelligence?
102) ...then look at him as if he were a diseased leper who just spit in your eye.
Leper? LEPER?!?!? My word Christians really ARE out of step with the times. I guess in 2000 more years Christians will realize AIDS exists.
103) End all your posts with John 3:16.
That quote is reserved for Stone Cold Steve Austin’s shirt, and there is nothing you or your God can do about it.
104) ...or "God Bless."
At least somebody or something is positive. The messengers are the problem you know.
105) When he takes the time and trouble to explain where your analogy or interpretation is at fault, begin your response with a sigh, so he'll know how patient you're being.
That sigh is just you rehearsing the lines in your head that you always use over and over and over again in all discussions, without having any idea what the meaning of those words are.
106) Open a minor-league baseball game with the national anthem, followed by a gospel quartet singing a hymn, and solemn prayer. (True story!)
You mean this hypothetical point 106 is true? Wow, that must mean God really does exist. Wait, was this gospel attended by white Christians? According to the bible, black people are inferior. So that baseball game was actually organized by the devil. True story!
107) Open and close a martial arts class with obligatory prayer, including the spectators. (Another true story!)
“Dear Jesus, sorry for beating your ass to a bloody pulp with my kung fu today”
108) Claim that God chooses who is going to heaven and humans have nothing to do with his decision, but he's going to hell because he sinned.
Well, you sinned 4 times already so you’re going straight to hell. Send me a postcard!
109) State that whatever he says is not worthy of consideration, because the Bible says atheists can't discern what's true anyway.
If that’s true, why would you even consider attempting to convert an atheist, why would you start a conversation with an atheist, and why would you write over 250 things to say to an atheist? If we cannot discern truth, then millions of Christian missionaries are wasting precious time that could be spent helping the needy instead of burning atheists at the stake.
110) Offer inane apologetics books in the hopes that he hasn't heard the arguments in them a thousand times already.
You like the word “inane”, but I don’t think you even know what it means.
111) Patiently explain that the 42 children that were torn to bits by two bears sent by God were not really children, but spawn of Satan.
Does “patiently” include a slow yet gradual increasing volume of your voice, culminating in a blanket condemnation with threats of suffering? If it does, I have a use for those two bears, and it involves Christian tongues.
112) When asked if they would sacrifice their own child for God, respond with "God would never ask me to do that."
Atheists would say how dare you know what God will or will not do?
113) Carefully explain that Lot's daughters were never in danger of gang rape, and that Lot knew this all along.
Atheists will say that rape is wrong, and God advocates rape in the old testament. If the bible is literal, then rape is good. BTW, I noticed that your posts are inching towards some really horrific stuff here, I think there is some pent up fantasy of being abused by a stranger in the middle of the night. Atheist women will tell you all about this fantasy.
114) Most carefully of all, explain that while all of the Bible is inerrant, Revelation does not literally mean what it says.
What does literally mean?
115) Tell him that God answers all prayers -- sometimes the answer is no.
Then this must mean that MOST times the answer is yes.
116) Tell him that Christians aren't perfect -- just forgiven.
Atheists will say that human forgiveness is more important than God’s forgiveness.
117) Tell him that he can't love anyone -- that's why he can't love God.
Atheists will say “Ya? Try and stop me from loving”
118) Offer to drive, then insist on listening to Christian Talk Radio.
Atheist, meet radio, radio, meet spilt beer.
119) ...and laugh when you hear "This condom-nation will face condemnation."
Your fat smelly mother would have done the world a service by using a condom.
120) Claim that Einstein was a Christian.
Atheists will point out a quote from Einstein that says he did not.
121) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.
Atheists will point out that this was started by the church who felt threatened with his truths.
122) Tell him that he'll come around just like your daughter did . . . when she got confirmed just so that she could get married in a big church.
So getting confirmed has nothing to do with faith and God but rather a fake work-around in order to get married in a big place? Is this not blasphemous? Sin number 5 kiddo.
123) Vehemently claim that the theory of evolution is incompatible with theism, then turn around and blame the theory for promoting atheism.
Atheists will VEHEMENTLY tell you that VEHEMENTLY is not an appropriate approach to evolution, because it is a science and is thus civilized, not like barbaric Christianity.
124) Say that evolution is not proven -- therefore the Bible is correct.
Atheists will say that gravity waves are not proven, therefore your mother is a crack smoking whore.
125) Tell him it's his responsibility to prove that God doesn't exist.
Atheists have already taken on that responsibility (unlike Christians), and it has already been shown that God does not exist. Now it is the faithers turn to prove it does.
126) Invite him to a church social function, and show up late.
I think the Atheist on a Sunday afternoon will be either sitting at the pool with their friends having a beer, or inside fucking their mate. In any case, by the time you showed up the social function, you will have realized we stood your late ass up.
127) ...because you were with his wife.
If that’s true, then you have managed to commit yet another sin, this time adultery. That’s six sins you are going to have to answer for. Even if they are not true, you are still “mocking” the lord, thus you will go to hell. Also, said wife would not be into your ugly, fat, smelly ass anyway, BELIEVE ME.
128) Deny that his child looks like him.
That should be easy for you, considering you deny all other truths in the world.
129) Ask what he believes in, if not God.
Truth.
130) ...then tell him that nonbelief is also a worldview, therefore there is no such thing as an atheist and Christianity is true.
If it’s ALSO a worldview, it doesn’t DISPROVE the first connection that still exists. Thus Christianity is false.
131) Explain that Buddha's last words were "Jesus, forgive me."
Ironically, the Buddha is where the Christian plagiarists got their ideas from. Christianity is nothing but a bastardized version of Buddhism.
132) ...and tell him that you were "saved" when you heard that story.
By the bell? Kelly was smoking hot…
133) ...and when he explains that Buddha died 500 years before Jesus was born, give him a blank look.
Thanks, that’s what we want. You to SHUT….THE….FUCK…..UP.
134) Say that God can't reveal himself with any real proof, because that would remove the need for faith.
Atheists will teach you that a lack of proof is what precedes a removal of faith. And just why is faith a “need”? Could it be that there is ZERO evidence, which implies ZERO chance of being true? It looks like you’re running out of things to say, and it’s only number 134. It looks like downhill from here… I done, this list is making the logic part of my brain say that Christians really do make the world a hell on Earth…
Private Freedom, please...
did you just miss the fucking point? These statements are irritating to atheists precisely because they are so inane and boring to answer. What you just did perfectly shows how these bits of stupidity are effective.
Wow!
Hah that was funny (and annoying). Good list!
The problem with good satire is that so many people won't recognise it as such.
Private Freedom: How long did you spend refuting those?
An addition...
290) Tell him that God gave him the right to free agency [the right to choose], and it is his right to deny God, but God will condemn him to hell for it.
lulz
This is so amazing. Every once and a while I just have to come and read it over. It's so funny, yet sad that so many of these are true. It's also sad that I've come across so many in so little of time. I'm only fifteen years old; one would think I'd need more time to discover all the arguments. Sadly no, as there are a finite amount merely regurgitated and painted over.
I'd love to add more to the list. In my experiances with JW's, they tend to have more creative explanations (though certainly not ones that make sense).
I think one of the greatest bits of this is the people who don't get it. I feel smarter just reading the comments.
~Xia.
i guess u know that most of this don't irritate us (most of us at least). The thing that irritate us most is when christians try to "save" us/our soul from going to hell or when they try to force us to believe what they believe or sometimes when they speak about how false are the other religions and how true is theirs
i guess u know that most of this don't irritate us (most of us at least). The thing that irritate us most is when christians try to "save" us/our soul from going to hell or when they try to force us to believe what they believe or sometimes when they speak about how false are the other religions and how true is theirs
AD
AD stands for Anno Domini. this means After Christ.
god is a wanker :-)
www.whale.to/b/rifat.html
Christians don't understand Parody
This is amusing and oh so accurate. I've heard so many of these used by people who actually believe they are using legitimate arguments. Poor deluded fools.
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